To be an Iyashi-kei girl

July 17, 2013 Juju Kurihara Culture, Lifestyle, Society Tags: 7 Comments

iyashi girl 2I listen to the word “Iyashi (癒し/soothing, healing, comforting)”  while I was in Japan. It´s not new, it has been around quite a while. Some people may feel healed by a glass of cold beer after a long-hour work. Some maybe soothed their rough feelings by putting aromatic candle. Anything that comforts their tired, lowed and stressed feeling is Iyashi. As far as I see, Japanese people tend to look for Iyashi moments of goods.

In a relationship, this also applies. Japanese men are known as hard workers and only they want to see or be with after work is someone who comforts them rather than stresses them.  They look for Iyashi-kei girls (Iyashi type girls/ 癒し系).

On the other hand, girls who are not Iyashi-kei may have less chance to get a partner. It seems like if a Japanese girl wants to find a boyfriend, she may need to make efforts to convert a Iyashi-kei.

Here is the instruction of a way to Iyashi-kei girl.



What men look for from a woman is healing. No man wants to be with a woman who makes him tired. It´s difficult for a woman to be popular among men if she has no sense of serenity nor security.

Today I like to teach you how to be a Iyashi-kei girl who becomes popular among boys.


  1. Smiley

iyashi girl 3To smile that gives men Iyashi, make sure your corners of the eyes go downwards and the corners of the mouth go up. Attractive smile can be trained although the most important thing is to be a smiley person all the time.

If a man thinks, “this girl is always smiling and her smile eases me”, you win. He will have a good impression of you as an Iyashi-kei girl from the first sight. Oh, don´t forget to smile looking into his eyes.





  1. Be Motherly

All men love his mother. In other word, all men are mommy´s boys. Therefore, the women who are motherly attract            men. For example, the girl who always has plasters or puts up an umbrella over you when a sudden shower                        catches you. Men like a girl who takes care of him even though she says, “oh, you are disaster”.

The reason why nursery teachers and nurses are so popular is they give men a motherly feeling. To give men an unconditional love is the way to become popular.




  1. Don´t criticise

iyashi girlMen are the creatures who are proud. They don´t like being given advices, which they didn´t ask or being complained by women. They want to do all by themselves. So it´s important for girls to practice giving opinions in gentle way.

Never tell a man “you should do this” but give him a positive advice, “I prefer this way”. Then men can accept the girl´s opinion easily.



  1. Liesten to him

Men work hard towards women. They squeeze as many as topics to entertain girls and not to make them bored.

         Iyashi-kei girls are good at asking right questions and continuing the conversations. That´s why men don´t get                   exhausted being with Iyashi girls. Not giving any pressure is the best thing for men.


  1. Have a big heart

        Iyashi-kei girls have a big heart. Being with a woman who is always busy with studying or working doesn´t ease men.

The time passes slow, not talking about complicated things and always smiling when they are together give men a             good impression about the girl. Feeling of accepted is the motherly feeling for men.


  1.  Weat warm colour

naoko iijima


Wear warm colour clothes is effective to attract men. Warm colour gives        warmth and comfort, which make men relaxed.

It´s recommendable to wear warm colour clothes when you have a date and it will relax the man. Don´t dare wear vivid colour.






The end

How did you find it?

Iyashi-kei girls are the key to be popular among boys. They are definitely more popular than busy career women. Tickle men´s heart and get them!


Tokio Shirotake / Haukore

Source :


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  2. becky chow 10 years Reply

    I grew up with my family drilling into me, “Iyashi-Kai” is the ONLY way for a girl to get a proper, respected husband. I was too argumentative/assertive for their taste.

    Now, I work in Silicon Valley. I have met many men, with good education, healthy sense of self esteem; many of them want to date women who can be their intellectual equal, adventure partners, and someone to share interesting thoughts and video games with.

    Extremely few expressed desires to have a submissive house cleaners that caters to their male sense of inadequacy. Those few, do need their fragile ego massaged by subservient women, tend to have Asian girlfriends/wives who do not grow up in the US.

    Iyashi-Kai, is an ideal, perpetuated by both men and women, in a society with massive gender inequality issues.

    Advances in women rights and a progressive society liberated men as well as women. Dads of my generation are as much involved with child caring. they do chores, treat families members with dignities. they have closer ties to their children. With mutual respect, they end up having better connections to their wives, and grown children also. much more than the tight ass traditional Asian fathers ever do.

  3. Charuko Nakamachi 10 years Reply

    I was a little concerned by this article because it was telling young women to be doormats–someone to welcome her husband at the door and then to be his servant, slave and mother all rolled into one.

    I get the feeling that this article has a great deal of naivety behind it and can only result in an ultimate disrespect between the two–the woman who denigrates herself this way and for her husband who she comes to hate for his neglect, and the husband who ultimately finds her to be simply a glorified housekeeper and nanny.

    After 30 years of a marriage that finds us more in love with each other than when we started, and growing more and more in love every day, I can tell you that best of it is because we are truly interesting to each other and because we are genuinely ourselves.

  4. Montserrat 10 years Reply

    It is obvious than the solution is not Iyashi girls, but much more work-life balance for the Japanese men who give their soul for work during their entire life… and women must also resignate to this imbalance.

  5. Olga 10 years Reply

    This is no news to me. In many cultures, for centuries, women were expected to be the ethnical equivalent of an “Iyashi-Kai” girl. It’s true, the nature of men does not like an assertive woman, contradicting him, stressing him, refusing to cook and clean or demonstrating that she is an equal. Smart women know that and play a good Iyashi game. All the men I ever met want this kind of woman, regardless of their nationality….

  6. John D. Swain 10 years Reply

    My comment would be this letter from a father to his daughter. I shared the letter with my daughter who is Japanese and American, and lives in Japan.

    Be You. If he’s not interested in You, then he’s not worth it. I don’t care how stressed-out he is.

  7. Lara 10 years Reply

    This article is a bit depressing, reminds me of why I chose not to stay in Japan permanently. Too much of a male culture of entitlement, sometimes with all the sexism it felt like being in a timewarp to the 50s 🙁

    I translate for some major Japanese household-name brands, and I find that usually only 1% or so of the names mentioned in the business documents I translate are female. I think its still very limited for a woman who DOES want to do more with her career then entry-level work.

    I love Japan so much, but when I have a daughter one day I want her to grow up knowing she’s just as important as a boy. I don’t wanna be an iyashikei girl!

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